The alarm went off every day at six thirty, but The Jangleberries used to get up at exactly the same time every morning: 7:52. No earlier, no later, and always alone. In between was the only time a young secretary got to think.
Could Carol Vorderman help you claim your tax? What if you asked her, just like the Beatles, but she answered with a consonant and then a vowel? I humbly suggest that you would never get over it, and you must admit that she could have been prime minister if she hadn't grown up to be terribly right wing. You hear a voice, but refuse to stir.
A friend of mine was writing a headline for the newspaper, and I said "you need a bigger space between Births and and and and and Deaths, and Deaths and and and and and marriages". He said I was mistaken, but it was still five "ands" in a row, twice, with an extra "and" for good measure. You roll over in bed and smile.
Most vegans are lovely, but when needs must, how do you insult an evil vegan? "You silly sausage" and "you haven't even got a pork shoulder to cry on" are both too hard to digest. Perhaps you could scare them off with crackers and cheese, but not until later.
Hold your ironing boards! It surely can't be that time already? When you least expect it, you rise towards the sun you have always loved, where a new day and a toothbrush beckon. See you at the sink.
Yours with love as ever,
who wish to thank (Top of the Pops with): Ben Garnett, Derek Leinweber, Monsieur Blanc, Claus Frolich, Gus Honeybun and His Announcer, John Bercow, Carol Vorderman, unknown Countdown contestant of genius, Patrick McGoohan, all at the Cornish Times, Ruffles, Top Cat, and their brother and their sister and their mum and their dad.
released January 14, 2017
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